Touch me here, Touch me there
Domestic violence occurs in relationships for two main reasons. One reason involves a distorted perception of self. The abuser possesses a negative self- image which seeps over into the thoughts possessed about the partner. Additionally, the abuser carries false perceptions of relationship dynamics. The abuser does not know what an ideal partnership of respect entails. The cocktail of these two factors open the gateway to harmful intimate relationships.
At the age of 14, I experienced the perils of an abusive partner for five years. The five years of verbal, physical and emotional abuse seemed like an eternity. Still today, I wake up refreshed but with the daily struggle of continuously repairing the damage that the abuse played on my life. Every day, I am thankful for the experience and for the strength that evolved thus creating the incredible human being I am now.
I reflect on the countless times I have been slapped and punched. I remember the many times I was tainted by words that expressed worthlessness and unattractiveness. Images of torture replay in my mind of the books I liked reading that were shredded; the newly purchased clothes he threw away and my favorite collection of makeup hurled at me. Domestic violence was a demon. I feel sorry for the perpetrator for thinking everything was wrong with me and nothing was unstable within him.
Prayer was my #1 weapon. I prayed to be removed from the horrible wrath of a person who could not love. Solemn requests of rescue became my daily routine.
Along with biblical rescue, I had to develop strength within and outside of myself. The abuser was not the total blame for the pain I had endured. I was also to blame. I allowed myself to be subjected to such insanity and disrespect. So I worked on my ”self”: self- esteem, self- respect, self- image and self- love.
Once I had my “self” together, I restructured my environment. I got out of the relationship. I enrolled into college. I focused on my new struggle as a single parent.
Are you faced with overcoming an abusive relationship? Here are some helpful tips:
#1: Analyze your current situation. Come to terms with the fact that the relationship is abusive.
#2: Analyze who you are. Reconnect with your “self”.
#3: Analyze your environment. Find positive outlets to occupy your time to resist the temptation to return.
Regain your Life. Rebuild your Life.
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Firestone, Lisa PhD. "Why Domestic Violence Occurs & How to Stop It". Psychology Today. 22 Oct.